TW: ANGLAIS

The Afterlife got boring after a while, which was saying something. Of course, you were eternally satisfied and could have everything you wanted with a snap of a finger, and spending the rest of your "days" with your soulmate was, obviously, a big plus (especially when said soulmate was a hunk like Sofiane) - but still. It had only been seven years and Aoife was far from having tried everything that the Afterlife had to offer - she spent most of her time Watching.
That was the true highlight of the Afterlife -no offence to Sofiane's abs-: being able to Watch everything that was happening Back There (which was the stupidest euphemism for Earth that Aoife had ever heard - but then again, the Afterlife, which dubbed itself The Good Place, was filled with those). Aoife could spend hours in front of the flatscreen TV, changing channels as she pleased to follow her old friends' endeavours and lives. A lot of it was sad and a lot of it was painful and some of it was very happy and, of course, all of it filled her with a deep longing for life - but still, it made her happy to see people that she had known thrive and prosper.

She was mindlessly Watching, changing channels every so often, waiting for Sofiane to come home from whatever he was doing (what was it again? Skydiving with flying otters? Aoife had no idea who came up with these ideas but they were a genius), when she stumbled onto Sav's channel - which was one of her favourites, despite it all.
The first few years had been hard and Aoife had refused to Watch anything, too pained at the idea of everything she had left behind after death. Slowly, her, Sofiane and Rivage had gotten into it, shyly, almost as if they didn't deserve to at least know what dear old Sav was doing with her life.

They had their opinions on that.

Happily digging into her endless cookie dough ice cream pot, Aoife smiled and went pale when she understood what was going on the screen. "Oh my word." Some things never changed, even in death... "Oh. My. Word." She threw herself at her Afterlife phone, which was resting on the other end of the couch, and frantically searched for Rivage's number, her eyes glued to the screen. "You need to come quick, Riv," she said into the phone in a urgent tone. "It's... it's Sav."

It was a few minutes before Riv was joining her in her living room. Sofiane was unreachable, unfortunately, and she had left him approximatively seven voicemails before giving up.
She immediately went to Riv and grabbed his hand to drag him back towards the couch and the flatscreen TV. "She... she..." On the screen, Aoife watched Sav sitting on the toilet, broken in half, with a white stick in her hand. "Riv. She's pregnant." She looked at him, pale and with big, bulging eyes. "She's pregnant with... with Noam."

tw: crude language, death (obviously)

Riv had always felt like he would die young. He didn't know how or when exactly, but he could feel it, he had always been that one person saying they wouldn't live very long, that they didn't want to. Funnily enough, dying came as a surprise. It was a stupid thing to think but, no one really expected to die at the very moment they did. He hadn't, either. He had been fairly confident that that specific day wouldn't be his last, probably a little too confident, then. Dying kind of hurt, which was also unexpected. It was the loneliness that killed him (again), the loneliness, the confusion, the fucking soulmates. Riv didn't have one, obviously, because if somebody didn't it would have been him, life was a bitch like this. They were really big into soulmates here, and that had hurt too. Everyone had been dancing around the subject for months, saying things like "maybe they will come later", but everybody knew they wouldn't. There were no they. He had asked once, for real. And they told him that not everybody had a soulmate, that some people had more than one, it wasn't a perfect science. They said he had come close a few times (which, a few, really?), but that sometimes things happen in life that change everything, they said that maybe if he didn't die when he did, things would have been different. But you can never know for sure, and it doesn't do any good to dwell on what-ifs. He had died, when he died, and that was it.

He had been happy, though, when Aoife and Sofiane died. It was a shitty thing to say and it was very selfish but, he had been glad that they were here and he could talk to somebody who was not Lavender fucking Brown. And they had been together, which was good. Dying alone sucked.

And after that, afterlife went on. Things were okay, most of the time. They knew what was going on on earth, they had been watching it like a tv show and binging what they had missed when they didn't. The war had ended, their friends were happy and they would join them someday, in a long time hopefully. Things were good.

He hadn't expected Aoife's voice to sound so upset, and he had got scared and rushed to her home as fast as he could. She said it was Sav and he didn't know what could make her sound like this, she wasn't dying, was she? "What's going on?" He asked as he got there, before following his friend to the couch, sitting at the very end of it and looking at the TV where Sav was sitting on the toilet. "What?" — "Riv. She's pregnant. She's pregnant with... with Noam." He looked into Aoife's big eyes,  and felt his body sag into the furniture when he finally registered what she was saying. "Holy forking shirt". Riv had accepted, with great difficulty, mind you, that Sav had ended up with Noam fucking Harris. It was a hell of a downgrade in his non-biased opinion, but she had found confort in his arms after he died and Riv had figured Harris probably wasn't as bad as he thought. Having a child with him, though? He couldn't help but laugh, really, and Aoife was looking at him like he had gone crazy. "They can't keep it, can they?" He said as he watched Noam walking into the screen, "I mean they … he … they are forking children, they can't raise anything". On the screen, Noam was bringing what seemed to be more pregnancy tests to Sav, "maybe this could be a false positive or something, right?" He turned to Aoife, trying to sound reassuring. This was going to be interesting, to say the least.

"Holy forking shirt." Aoife winced a little, despite herself. Although curse words were banned and rightfully censored in the Afterlife, she had heard Riv swear enough times Back There that she could hear him perfectly still. She could still remember his face when he had explained that censorship when she and Sofiane had first joined him here... priceless.
Riv started laughing and Aoife's eyes bulged even more. "They can't keep it, can they? - I mean..." She winced at the idea and looked back at the TV. Noam was panicking - no wonder - and gathering a handful of what Aoife guessed were pregnancy tests. She had remained standing and slowly sat down on the edge of the sofa near Riv. "I mean they … he … they are forking children, they can't raise anything." Aoife pursued her lips. "Well, no, of course they could..." She sounded doubtful because truly, she was. She agreed with Riv but that was not a very nice thing to say at all.

Although their relationship had been nothing but strained in the months leading to her death, Aoife had always thought Sav was a capable witch and an inspiring person. She didn't doubt she would make a fantastic mother, should she choose to. She did have some reservations about Noam... not that she didn't feel some sort of appreciation for him - she had watched with admiration his rose to stardom as a Quidditch player and despite his lupine condition - but... still. "Maybe this could be a false positive or something, right?" Aoife looked back at Riv and winced. "Maybe." She was not so sure.
They watched in silence as Noam ranted and Sav waited for the results and when it came upon the screen, Aoife sighed. "Oh dear."

Sav was panicking and swearing and so was Noam - which was pretty unsurprising, all things considered. Aoife couldn't help but feel a pang in her chest - a mixture of longing and jealousy. She had wanted children, or rather she had always known that she would have had children one day. She was sure she could have asked anyone managing the Afterlife and they would have assisted her and Sofiane with a kid or something (she was unsure how Sofiane felt about this, all things considered). But it felt pretty worthless, to raise a kid in the Afterlife, didn't it?
Aoife pursued her lips and frowned. "We need to bet on the name." That was one of their games when they were Watching: to bet on what would happen. Sofiane had a knack for it and Aoife was unsurprisingly terrible at it. She looked at Riv seriously and buried deep within whatever bitterness she felt. Even in death, she couldn't help but be jealous of Sav. How unfari was that? "They have to name her Aoife if it's a she," she said confidently. "I believe none of them had any other strong female friend die in their entourage." She nodded her head seriously then winced: "I have my doubts about Rivage for a boy though. No offence but thats not even a real name. Numa, though..." She frowned delicately and added awkwardly, in a tentative voice: "...although it does seem a bit... ethnic... for their taste..."

They watched in silence as another test came back positive. Riv could almost feel Sav and Noam's panic running through his body as well, which was weird because he wasn't even alive, and would have nothing to do with this child, should it be kept and brought to life. "We need to bet on the name." Aoife suddenly said, shaking him from his anxious thoughts. They did that all the time, betting on what would happen, when it would, all of that. But betting on Sav and Noam's child seemed weird. The idea of them having a child was so crazy that Riv couldn't even think properly.

"They have to name her Aoife if it's a she, I believe none of them had any other strong female friend die in their entourage." Aoife went on and Riv couldn't help but laugh this time as she continued "I have my doubts about Rivage for a boy though. No offence but thats not even a real name." — "Fork you, at least it's a name people know how to say when they see it" — "Numa, though...although it does seem a bit... ethnic... for their taste…" He was still laughing, this was such an … Aoife thing to say. "Girl, they're not gonna name it Aoife or Numa, no way". As much as Sav admired Numa, and was okay with Aoife most of the time, she would never name her kid after them. Riv knew her better than that. "They'll probably name it something stupid. I mean, I love Sav but she lacks imagination and Noam", he added with a slightly disgusted face, "Noam's just dumb." Riv didn't know really know him when he was alive, but he had had seven years to watch him and boy, what a wild ride that was. "They're either gonna name it something like a mix of their names, like Sam, which wouldn't be so bad, or Novage, which would be really bad; or… or something stupid like Avenger." God, now that he thought of it, he could definitely see Noam wanting to call his son Avenger, to honour his silly little group of silly little friends. Shit. "Aoife…" he added, shaking his head, "if it's a boy, I'll bet you anything it's gonna be Avenger Harris, holy shirt." It had to be. The thing was, you got to know people, in the afterlife, watching them being your only entertainment, and he could see it clear as day. "God, I really hope it's a boy, now". He added with a smile, Avenger Harris would be a fucking legend. "Is there a way to know, like before? Waiting nine months is gonna suck."

"Girl, they're not gonna name it Aoife or Numa, no way." Aoife shot him a dark look. What did he mean by that? In seven years, they had seen more than one couple who had survived the war having a kid and naming it after a dead relative, a war hero or a dead friend (Aoife had counted approximatively five Lees, which was both endearing and sad). "They'll probably name it something stupid. I mean, I love Sav but she lacks imagination and Noam..." Aoife et Riv both winced. "Noam's just dumb. - Rivage! He's not dumb!" Aoife protested immediately, trying to sound sincere. "They're either gonna name it something like a mix of their names, like Sam, which wouldn't be so bad, or Novage, which would be really bad; or… or something stupid like Avenger." Aoife had nodded - she could definitely see them naming their kid mixing both of their names, just like in her favourite book series Twilight - but she went pale with Riv's last proposition.

Oh dear... "Rivage... - Aoife…" She made a face as he added: "if it's a boy, I'll bet you anything it's gonna be Avenger Harris, holy shirt." As much as she didn't want to say it, Aoife agreed with him. They seemed the type... "God, I really hope it's a boy, now." Aoife shook her head. "Are you kidding? No!" If anything, now, the kid being a boy would be the worst thing to happen. "Is there a way to know, like before? Waiting nine months is gonna suck. - I think you need to get the premium package for that." She pouted. As terrorists, the NSFW had quickly found out that they would not be what could be considered well off in the Afterlife.
The Good Place had changed Aoife's perception of Heaven - of course, she hadn't gotten a choice in the matter - and she was pretty satisfied with it, although injustices existed here just like they did everywhere else. "But the anticipation is the fun of it, isn't? Now I really hope it's not a boy because Avenger... that boy would be bullied to no ends in school." She winced at that idea. She sometimes wished she could come back as a guardian angel to watch over the people she had left behind... "If it's a girl... wait, her name is Diana. Maybe they'd name her Diam? Or Noana? That's cute, right?" She was not convinced and shook her head.

She watched the screen again and listened without really thinking at the two of them panicking and scrambling to go deal with the issue with Noam's manager. "They'll probably name her something like... like Moon, or something. Oh dear, do you remember that popstar, Moon Shadow...? She died around the same time as us I think. They could genuinely name their little girl Moon." She rolled her eyes. "Or something stupid like Wolfie."

“I think you need to get the premium package for that” ugh, what was the point of the time system being completely different in the afterlife if you had to get a premium fucking package to check into the future? Capitalism was the worst, even in death. “But the anticipation is the fun of it, isn't? Now I really hope it's not a boy because Avenger... that boy would be bullied to no ends in school.” He wouldn’t call it fun. “Probably, I don’t know if he would realize it though,” if he had his dad optimism, he probably would thank the bullies and annoy them until they stopped. “If it's a girl... wait, her name is Diana. Maybe they'd name her Diam? Or Noana? That's cute, right?” Riv couldn’t help but snort. “It’s not cute, and I’m pretty sure naming you kid a mix of your names is a one-way ticket to the bad place.” In Riv’s opinion, people who gave their children shitty names deserved to be tortured forever, but maybe he was slightly biased. Just maybe.

He looked back at the screen  where both of them were still actively freaking out, this was going to be a disaster. “They'll probably name her something like... like Moon, or something. Oh dear, do you remember that popstar, Moon Shadow...? She died around the same time as us I think. They could genuinely name their little girl Moon.” He did remember Moon Shadow, he was pretty sure she was at Gracefield with them too. “Or something stupid like Wolfie."He snapped his head back towards Aoife. “I do remember Moon, but it wasn’t her real name cause you know, people don’t call their kid Moon. Now, Wolfie,” he gave her a pointed look, “that is definitely something that will come up. Maybe it’ll be twins, Avenger and Wolfie Harris. Great start in life,” he added sarcastically as Noam was on the phone with his manager. “Where does he even forking work?” He asked, he didn’t really care that much about what Noam did when he wasn’t with Sav. He sighed as he watched. He didn’t even know if Sav wanted children, they didn’t get the time to talk about these things, but he couldn’t imagine she would, couldn’t imagine her being a mom, that was … weird. “Is it bad that I hope they can get rid of it?” He suddenly asked Aoife. Being dead was weird, and sometimes he didn’t know if his reactions were too extreme, like maybe he was too emotionally involved, even though he was dead and it was pointless.

“I do remember Moon, but it wasn’t her real name cause you know, people don’t call their kid Moon.” Aoife pouted. She was pretty sure people had named babies with weirder names than that... for Heaven's sakes, she was arguig with someone whose name was Rivage. That was not even a real word, let alone a name. “Now, Wolfie, that is definitely something that will come up. Maybe it’ll be twins, Avenger and Wolfie Harris. Great start in life.” Aoife winced. Now that he said it, it seemed dangerously accurate and possible... "Avenge and Wolfie Harris..." It sounded absolutely terrible. Numa was such a great name, what was wrong with Numa?

“Where does he even forking work?” Aoife tuned back on the TV and winced. "He's, you know, a quidditch player of sorts. I think." She did not have a great interest in Noam's life outside of Sav either. "I like Priya, his manager. She's sweet and frankly, the fact that she puts up with all of this is admirable." Priya would definitely join them in the good place when her time came. The woman was an angel. “Is it bad that I hope they can get rid of it? - Rivage!" She tapped his shoulder a little. "I mean, they seem pretty set on it but..." She winced. It was the kind of things she was iffy about - the idea of killing a human life was terrifying for her, sinful even. But some people did not have the right circumstances to welcome a child and some people, like Noam and Sav...
No, that was horrible to think that. "They're pretty cute," she commented off-handedly, watching as after his phone call, Noam made his way back to Sav and kneeled in front of her, his head on her lap. "I think they would be... you know, they're so full of love, it's like bursting at the seams. They would make okay parents... or well, I mean, they wouldn't be the worst ever." She didn't sound so convinced herself. "He's just a werewolf, and she has anger management issues, and he's a quidditch player so he's barely home and... oh my word..." Aoife sighed, biting her lip as Noam and Sav stayed there, tightly intertwined. She liked their relationship for that reason: they were a ride or die kind of couple, and they had built a whole world with just the two of them in it. They were like a pack, co-dependant and loving and tender, and in any case they were not going to keep the baby, that much was sure. "Maybe it's a bit early for them, is all. You're too negative, Rivage, don't be such a dead guy."

“I mean, they seem pretty set on it but...” Riv could see her hesitation from the corner of his eye. He figured it was probably the religious guilt kicking in, the whole idea of life being precious and all of that crap they told everyone. In moments like these, he was really annoyed with her. “They're pretty cute,” she added and Riv shrugged. “I guess,” he simply answered. He didn’t have much of an opinion on them, he understood that Sav and Noam had found each other in times of great distress for both of them and had found confort in each other, and he was glad they did, for both of them, really. Sometimes he just wished he had stayed alive, all of their lives would have been very different. “I think they would be... you know, they're so full of love, it's like bursting at the seams. They would make okay parents... or well, I mean, they wouldn't be the worst ever." Riv couldn’t help but snort. "He's just a werewolf, and she has anger management issues, and he's a quidditch player so he's barely home and... oh my word...” She was right, and Riv had never imagined Sav having a kid, not with anyone. And there were definitely things that would make it harder on them. “Maybe it's a bit early for them, is all. You're too negative, Rivage, don't be such a dead guy.” He had never been known for his positive look on things. But, she was maybe right, maybe they just needed more time. “Yeah I suppose you’re not wrong,” he couldn’t tell her she was absolutely right, that wouldn’t happen, not even in death. “I mean, I still have a hard time imagining them having kids, you know?” Riv himself had never wanted kids, he had always thought they were too annoying and high-maintenance, and people had always been wary of him having any, with the risk of spreading the harpy gene and all. “You and Sofiane, having kids, that would have been not surprising at all but … them, I don’t know.” He always had this image of Sav in his mind as someone who lived life for herself, not trying to conform to what was expected of her, marriage, kids, fitting the mold, but maybe living in peace changed your outlook on life, he never had the chance to find out. “And I mean, their friends, they have a bunch of kids already, right? So they wouldn’t be alone,” he said. At least this was good. He watched the screen again as Noam was talking about their appointment being set. They’d know for sure, in a few hours. They could probably fast forward to that.

“Yeah I suppose you’re not wrong.” This was Rivage code for you are right, and Aoife smirked a little at that - she knew him before than he thought. “I mean, I still have a hard time imagining them having kids, you know?” She nodded a little. "Me too," she admitted. "But still." She could see it, somehow, but there were definitely better ways to find out that you were pregnant than what they had just gone through. And better ways to prepare for the baby to come, too. Should there be a baby... A part of her wished that Sav and Noam would keep the baby, just because she knew deep it in her heart that they would make decent parents and had a great support network.
And, of course, because she was vicariously living her life through her alive friends', which was depressing and very pleasant at the same time.

“You and Sofiane, having kids, that would have been not surprising at all but … them, I don’t know.” She slightly winced at that, and immediately caught herself so that Rivage couldn't see. It was a sore spot, and way more hurtful than she would have liked. "Yeah." She wished Sofian was there, so that she could snuggle against him and not let her thoughts ricochet too much in her head. Being dead sucked at times. “And I mean, their friends, they have a bunch of kids already, right? So they wouldn’t be alone.” Aoife nodded. "Exactly. Maybe they can get some tips from them too, like naming their kids after flowers..." Noam's Avengers friends were some of the weirder people she had Watched - most of them had ended up in the weirdest of places...

They were able to fast-forward the rest of the afternoon for Sav and Noam, and watched silently as they waited for hours in a waiting room. "Here they go," Aoife whispered as they went inside the office. Rivage and Aoife both listened intently as the doctor explained that Sav was indeed pregnant and that unfortunately, they would not be able to assist her in terminating the pregnancy as it was already too advanced. Pregnancy denial. She was fourth months in.
Aoife gaped at the screen as she wordlessly watched Noam and Sav leave the office, looking as stunned as she was. She did not know what to say and she was the first surprised when three unlikely words came out of her mouth for the first time ever: "Holy forking shirt."

They did fast-forward the rest of the afternoon and watched diligently as they waited for the results. Both Sav and Noam looked pretty stressed out and Riv could almost feel their anxiety sipping through the screen. “Here they go,” Aoife said as it was finally their turn and Riv only answered with a low sound of approval. The news that came was not very good, or at least in his opinion. Shit. She was pregnant, she was very much pregnant and it was too late to terminate. Riv’s eyes were wide and glued to the screen. Pregnancy fucking denial. Of course it was. Out of all things that could have happened to all people, this had to fall on them. He was shaken out of his thoughts by Aoife’s voice, the “Holy forking shirt,” so uncharacteristically her that escaped from her lips. “Shirt,” he answered as he looked at his friend with wider eyes. He genuinely didn’t know what shocked him the most, the whole baby thing or hearing Aoife curse.

On the screen, Sav and Noam were leaving the doctor’s office, looking as distraught as they probably did. Riv couldn’t imagine. “This is crazy,” he finally said. “Four month is not that much, is it?” he asked, finally looking at Aoife’s upset face. “I mean, my mom had a lot of fun in her youth and she was pregnant at least three times and I’m pretty sure she aborted way further than that.” Wizarding laws on abortions had been fairly liberal, in the 1970s, and with that came the joys of having reckless sex, and unwanted pregnancies. Riv knew, his grandma had always told him, times and times again, about how every time she received a letter from her daughter she was scared it was to announce another pregnancy. These things happened and they were wizards for fuck’s sake, wasn’t there anything they could do?

He watched as the couple got back home, how Sav angrily kicked random furniture in their kitchen. She didn’t want this, she never had. “There’s got to be something to do, isn’t there? I mean,” he started, but he was at a loss for words. Even wizards couldn’t fix everything, he knew that, if they did nobody would ever get sick or die, this just wasn’t how it worked. And they would have to deal with it, it being their fucking kid. At least the war was over and they would be able to live in peace.